Sometimes I just feel worthless. Like why am I here, i'm just confusing the kids. I dislike being told how great of a teacher this SM was, how this teacher makes me laugh... do you have any funny stoties. Makes me feel like I am being compared and not meeting the standards set by previous people. It's like satan is trying to pull me down and then today during Algebra II I totally messed up a domain and range problem and was told how to do it by a student. Now if that can't knock some one's self confidence down I don't know what else can. It was like the icing on the cake... made me want to cry and it was the first time that I have ever gotten that close to crying at school. And then there is always the student that knows something up so comes over with a smile acting like everything is okay and talks about small talk just to cheer me up. Thida.... you are the best. Every time I make a mistake, my students take it in a stride, smile at me and encourage me on. It's like I am the student and they are teaching me how to be a teacher. haha... by the time i get it down, it will be the end of the year.
On Saturday I had gone over to the dorm to hang out with the students. While there Eliza began teaching me the Khmer Alphabet. There are 33 constants and 24 vowels. I have eight of them down and that took a long time. Keep in mind Eliza is third or fourth grade. That girl has more patience than I would ever had. Here is what I know so far. Ga, Ca, Go, Co, Ngo, Ja, Cha, Cho, Jo, No... yep and it is said with your mouth flat. I don't know how else to explain it.
This week is Quarter Exams. It's hard to believe 1/4 of the year is already over! I don't want it to go this quickly. Next week I will have been here fore three months. So hard to believe. It feels like I have been here forever and that this is home, but yet three months! that means I only have seven left, and that is too little! I miss my students when I don't see them over the weekend.
Tomorrow is a half day and then it starts the Holiday. It is water festival in Phnom Penh and around 3 million people come from the proviences to come and watch the boat racing. Look it up online, it is crazy. The city is already busy. We are leaving though and going to KaKong for pathfinders camp-a-re. Yeah! We are going to have a blast, and it is roughing it camping. We bought a tent two days ago. I am pretty sure it is not waterproof which is making me nervous, cause it is still rainy season.....
Grades to do now. So much to grade. The grades are due in when we get back and I have not put grades in my computer since midterms. I still procrastinate. What else is new?.....
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Hey Amy~
ReplyDeleteKrista shared your blog with me, and it is amazing to hear the work and experiences you have had in Cambodia. In response to your last blog, I want to give you reassurance from a first year teacher myself. Teaching is by no means "easy" and there are days when you just want to cry, when you want to hand the stick over to the students because they know more than you, and when you feel like you are just taking their time. I have definitely learned more than my students in the first quarter of the school year, but I am ok with that because it is making me a better teacher. Look at each day individually and ask yourself - did you make a difference in one person's life today...even if it was a small difference by asking them a question that made them feel important. With your personality, I can only know that you are making a difference in the people's lives, and most importantly showing them the love of Jesus. Stay strong and remember that He is constantly pulling for you and loving you as His special child. ~Laura
Amy,
ReplyDeleteHopefully this week will be going better for you. I am sure that when you leave, the next teacher will be hearing how wonderful YOU were!!
Keep your chin up!!! Love, Theresa